Maybe it's all a result of all the stress or pressure...
It's not enough I'm beyond broke, but now my health is screwing with me too.
I feel like shit. Sory, there's no better word for it. Ok, "I feel like I'm dying" would also express it, but that's not as poetic as saying "I feel like shit."
Now I understand what they mean when they say "I'm so tired, it hurts." It really hurts, and it hurts really bad starting at about 4:00 or 5:00 p.m. and at times go to bad at 6:00 p.m....
The funny thing is (in a very unfuny way), that in my morning meditation (yes, I started meditating again - that at least helps me stay sane and reduce the feeling of panic); so, in one of my meditation tapes - as I listen in the morning - it says "And now, as you are returning to ... feel the energy and carry that energy with you throughout the day." And I"m loughing, because I feel like I'm dead - just barely breathing and I could spend the day in bed. I'm tired as soon as I wake up...
No, I don't think I'm depressed (though my mind does wonder to areas where it ussually wouldn't; mainly to past events and make me feel terrible remorses or regrets). OK, maybe a little bit. But the fact is, I feel really positive and I'm taking steps towards succeding in my business. I even scheduled a public seminar.
Oh, yes, I went to see my doctor to find out whether I don't have some other serious going on. At times i feel like I'm collapsing and at times my fingers almost resist when I try to type... so maybe I have a brain tumor (well, there's no harm in checking it, right?) and my girl stepped on my stomach and it really hurt (usually she can dance on it, but now there was one point, inside, that really hurt), so I had them check for an ulcer or some other stuff in there... OK, I sound paranoic, perhaps - I just want to eliminate anything serious, then I can go on recovering (I think I'm so weak because I've overdone my workouts and I "wiped out" myself).
OK - it's 7:00 p.m. and I have to go to sleep.
By the way: today I took two naps already. and I could not do any real work this afternoon, 'cause my head was so stuffy... soo heavy... and numb. (I worked in the morning in my "slave" job)
Ok, see you when I'll have the presence of spirit to get back to my blog :)
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