Heck, I don't even like burgers (ok, I"m lying. I love burgers, but I eat them only once or twice a month). I'm commited to staying trim and fit, and that's what I want my kids to get too: burgers are great, as long as you eat them once in a while.
Except... My girl wanted to go to a fast food restaurant (I think Burger King) a few days ago. We really haven't been in a long time, so I thought, "Yes, that's not such a bad idea."
I looked in my walet, there were $3.00 and a few cents in my pocket. Of course, my other child was with me too... So what the heck was I supposed to do??? I just told the truth "Sorry kids, my broke s can't afford to take you for a burger. But, hey, look at the bright side; burgers are fattening. Let's go home and eat some of the steak grandma packed us this weekend."
What can I say? It broke my heart. It's not only the stupid burger, but lately I had to say "no" to too many things. But they are good kids; they love me and they go with the flow. (You know, this is my seccond year that I promissed them to take them up north to see snow, and I think I'll fail this year too. Dang, it hurts being broke).
I have to admit it... I often find myself tensed. Really tensed. The burden of owing $100,000, not being able to buy anything beyond the bare minimum, and the feeling of being stuck in a small house in a crappy neighborhood is simply killing me. SEcretly I often find myself hoping for a car accidnet or something. It'd be nice to lay in a coma for a few months... But hey, I must be here for my kids!, right??? Besides, I'll finish that book and everything will be better. (my son often asks me in the morning "What are you going to do today? ARe you going to work on your book???" He can't wait for us to get rich. He is tired of the many "no"s he gets from me.
The good news in the midst of all this pain? I feel great! My energy levels are high. Now I believe I'll get out of this crap ( a few months ago I felt that I was going to literally die. i was getting weaker and weaker and more and more desperate. chronic fatigue and depression set in there for a while. now I believe things will be ok)
Good night :)
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